Lady Killer: Haiku Runnings

I can’t deny itNicole’s been on a roll.  You can’t coach perfection, but you sure as hell can stop acid ingestion before it strikes.  That’s why I use Prilosec OTC.  And that’s why I’m able to post another edition of Lady Killer before Turkey Day.  Enjoy the long ass weekend!

Haiku Runnings

Juicy Couture sweats,
Ugg boots and lip stubble:
Can Zilla holla?

No jobs, big dick, dumb as dirt:
Can Nicole holla?

I like your glasses.
Oh, they’re fake?  You can see me?
And you’re still here?  Dope!

Chef Tom or Top Chef:
Your bald head ignites my loins.
Want some fish tacos?

South Philly fever:
I’ve got that shit in my soul
My heart bleeds gravy

This Thanksgiving Day
I’m thankful for Doritos,
True Blood, Nike dunks.

Also thankful for:
Miley Cyrus, magazines,
Dudes who don’t talk back

Not as thankful for:
T-Pain’s top hats, Nancy Grace,
Bitches in the way.

Tattooes on your neck?
Good luck getting a real job.
Come work under me.

Food courts are Heaven.
Fake Chinese, fat-ass bitches,
Auntie Anne’s pretzels.

Where’s all the Asians
Looking for interracials?
Me love you long time.



  1. I’m thankful for True Blood, Funyuns and high-top Keds with the bubblegum bottoms.

  2. i count my fingers
    whenever i do haikus
    UPS is slow

    i had fake glasses
    until two years ago, yo
    i can still see you

    i have one request:
    drink me under the table
    can douglas holla?

    p.s. colleen, i’m totally eating a bag of funyuns right now. weeeeeeird.

  3. I’ll drink you under the table, holla! And yeah, that is weird. I think I’m gonna buy some and stash em in my “big bag” before I take my kid to the movies this afternoon. Screw paying $26.75 for two sodas, a large popcorn and a box of Sour Patch Kids.

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