Before I left the Rocca Lair today, I saw one of those morning local talk shows on Fox. As I was putting on my Mad Men skinny tie, I overheard the talking heads yabber on about “how come men wait so long to ask a woman for their hand in marriage”? This chatter segued into why men usually wait 3 days to call a chick once securing the phone number.
Here were some of the points (I’m paraphrasing):
“A man waits three days to call because he doesn’t want to look too anxious or desparate”–Chuck Nice, comedian
“With me, I’d just call the next day to show I’m confident. You know, just step right in there”–Lomas Brown, retired NFL offenseive lineman
“Remember in Swingers when the guy called the girl that night? That didn’t work out so well”–Mike…Something, host of Fox morning show
“I don’t buy ANY of that! Ladies in the audience, you don’t to wait three days, right? That makes us think the guy’s not really in to us. Wouldn’t we like it if a guy called the next day? Right?!?”–Blonde woman, co-host of Fox morning show
Lomas Brown makes the least sense among the men because he’s a millionaire and he played for the Detroit Lions. His logic is obviously skewed by being marginally famous, rich, and on TV as a semi-broadcaster. And he should be thankful he didn’t play under the Matt Millen regime.
The female co-host is off her rocker.
Here’s why: women want to be forgotten about.
They want to wonder and pontificate and text their girlfriends about why the hell, exactly, Johnny Suede hasn’t called yet.
To paraphrase Trent (Vince Vaughn) in Swingers, “Laugh all you want, but call too soon and you could scare away a nice baby who’s looking to party.” Mikey learned that lesson in probably the most painfully comedic scene of the late 90s.
Call too soon and she thinks you’re a herb with nothing better to do.
Call too soon and she think you’re damaged goods looking to latch on to someone.
Call too soon and you become “the friend,” a fate worse than beingYung Berg in a prison break.
To my female readers, I dare you to defend the ideals of this co-host on the Fox morning show. I DARE YOU…TO COME AGAINST ME!