Inside the Mind of a Juggalo on Speed & Coke: “Crank 2: High Voltage” Review

The appropriate response after listening to Can-I-Bus in 98

The appropriate response after listening to "Can-I-Bus" in '98

A brief list of the tamer things you will see in Crank 2: High Voltage

1.  A blond mulleted Corey Haim getting the shit kicked out of him and then electrocuted on the sidewalk.

2.   A blob of an Asian man getting his nuts smashed bloody with a mountain bike by a sweaty massage girl on the porch of a suburban townhouse in broad day light.

3.  An old lady get mildly raped by Jason Statham at a horse track.

4.  Pedro fromNapolen Dynamite recruiting a gay biker mob, armed to the teeth with uzis, to shoot up the mansion of a Latino crime lord.

5.  Jason Statham beating up a gay couple in order to steal the electric dog collar they were misusing on their own dog at the park. 

Keep in mind that all of these items are on the bottom tier of weird, wild, dumb shit that makes up Crank 2: High Voltage, a movie made specifically to prevent kids from eating bags of coke, watching WWE for 14 hours straight, playing “Grand Theft Auto” in a prison, then writing a script and selling it for a million dollars to Lions Gate.

2 out 4 Stallone Claps*

*1 Stallone Clap = Stop or My Mom Will Shoot
2 Stallone Claps = Demolition Man
3 Stallone Claps = Cop Land
4 Stallone Claps = Rocky



  1. Out of curiousity, how many Stallone Claps would you give the original Crank?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s