My Chain Hang Low

Why there hasnt been a SNL skit on Nores chain escapes me

Why there hasn't been an SNL digital short based on Nore's chain escapes me

Between Gucci Mane’s Bart Simpson piece, Rick Ross’ Karnov-inspired self-portrait around his neck, and T-Pain’s meta-accessory that encapsulates hip hop’s love for “big ass chains” with the self-described “Big Ass Chain”, it’s beginning to get serious for rappers on the come up such as myself — what gaudy and outlandish item could I let droop from my neck that not only displays my incredible wealth (read: record company advance I will not have in 3 months) but truly defines me as a person

Some ideas for a Zilla Rocca chain (think of your own shit, haterz!):

1.  A packaged Netflix DVD: I think one of the reasons why Netflix has taken off, besides that fact that Blockbuster had a shit selection of movies not starring Nicholas Cage and not directed by Michael Bay, is that as an adult, it’s really exciting to see that red rectangle sitting in your pile of mail each week.  LOOKIT!  MY DVD IS HERE!  AND IT’S RED!  Really, once you hit 22, getting postal mail sucks.  I’m a certified Netflix junkie, and I’ve been campaigning hard for a sponsorship from the good folks since 2007.  It would be a great necklace to show my allegiance to the brand that is only matched by my desire to watch ’70s all-female gang movies that feature the Black Panthers (Switchblade Sisters, bitches!).  And it could double as an actual sleeve for the Netflix DVD sleeve much like Nore’s golden Newport box Newport box.  Heavy!

2.  8th Continet Soy Milk Carton:  I drink the hell outta these things.  It would be kinda weighty aroud my neck, but T-Pain’s Big Ass Chain is the same weight as HIS CHILD: 7.5LBS!  I would need to man up.  I’m sure there’s more lactose intolerant rappers out there; I would be carrying the proverbial “useless, heavy piece of blood diamond Soy Milk necklace” for all of them.  Andre 3000 would love it because it’s urban and hip and healthy.  Bizarre from D12 would not.

3.  Life sized Ironman helmet:  You would think Ghostface aka Tony Starks aka IRONMAN would’ve had this on lock since ’96.  Would you rather have a diamond encrusted medallion with your caricature on it like Rick Rawse, or carry around a bad ass red and gold helmet (that you could even wear) based on the most pimptastic, billionaire superhero of all time?  I already have a Ironman helmet-themed Slurpee cup and that’s killer for only being plastic and 5 inches tall.  A life sized golden Ironman helmet necklace would do for rap what Lawrence Maroney’s Kool Aid chain did for the NFL: it makes you say “OH YEAH!” 

 

What asinine gold necklaces would YOU make for yourself?

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4 thoughts on “My Chain Hang Low

  1. Now do you want the Iron-Man to be life sized and made of diamonds? Or do you want a take a life-size Iron-Man helmet and wear that around with a chain on your neck. Because if its the latter, you could probably cop one for a few hundred dollars at one of the comic boutique stores and than take it to a metalsmith and have them graft a chain around it.

  2. Zeuser:

    Yes, I’m going full “bling” mode (just heard that term on Bravo–it’s catchy!) with the Iron-Man helmet. I can go to Hall of Heroes at the Cherry Hill Mall in NJ by my parents house if I wanted a norman Iron-Man helmet that i could just wear (my birthday is Sunday and that would be a kick-ass self-gift though).

    Not even the original Tony Stark has worn an iced out helmet. Thor has.

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