Introducing Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator

*Informercial voice*

Aren’t you tired of listening to your favorite rappers, in the car, at karaoke with friends, in your basement studio, and not being able to ‘get on the mic’ with the same gusto?

Wanna be able to ‘spit it’ like the pros in an easy and FUN way from the safety of your own home?

Are you a diehard fan of the Wu-Tang Clan?

Were you waxing nostalgic last year at the much ballyhooed release of Cuban Linx 2 CD and dying to get your ‘rhyme’ on like Chef Raekwon?

Well SAY NO MORE!!!

From the makers of Wayne-A-Tron 8000, comes Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator (patents pending), the all-new portable at-home device that’ll have you ‘spittin’ like your favorite chef from Shaolin!

This personal rap tabulator is not only lightweight (only 1.7 tons) and eco-friendly (fueled exclusively on bio-diesel fuel), but is an ABSOLUTE BLAST for longtime fans of Raekwon the Chef!  Made from space age polymer, tin, and hollowed out aluminum siding, the Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator will happily occupy that spare bedroom and turn it into a KNOWLEDGE BODY CHAMBER!

Not a diehard fan of the Wu-Gambinos?  Do you prefer the contemporary rappings of  Kanye West, Gucci Man, Drake, and Jay Electronica?  NO WORRIES! The Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator is a burst of “that shit” for all crowds!  Simply load in the pre-scripted papyrus punch cards with the lyrics from today’s hits….

 

…and you’ll be spittin’ that ol’ fly shit in MINUTES!

Let’s insert the card for KANYE WEST’S “Run This Town” into the Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator and see what the iron-built Chef machinism (made in the USA!) comes up with…

ORIGINAL SAMPLE

“It’s crazy how you can go from being Joe Blow
To everybody on your dick, no homo
I bought my whole family whips, no Volvos
Next time I’m in church, please no photos”

*robot voice* Loading...loading....loading....PRINTING NOW SHALLAH

Within minutes…the Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator cooks up some marvelous ish!  Read those lyrics NOW!

“Son crazy as Russian spot rusher Joe Blow
Lampin, eating broiled spotted dick, no homo
Bought my whole clan bulletproof Volvos
Hit the holy house, chalice out, no photos”

WOW!  Even grandma approves!

Still not convinced? Let’s try some GUCCI MANE in the Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator!

“She diggin my fit, she think I’m the shit
Is this a chain on my neck, or the watch in my wrist
Maybe the ice in my ear, or my bracelet
But she look like the type that could take a dick”

*robot voice* LOADING...LOADING...LOADING...PRINTING NOW SHALLAH

“She eating thermidor shrimp in the Cuban Link blimp
Chains brolic, sun polish arctic circle my wrist
The ice in my ear like Italian chandeliers and shit
She  the type to buy a thousand dollar facelift”

WHOA!  It’s so easy and you’ll never get the same results twice!   Even folks from Canada can join in on the fun!  Let’s try the Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator with DRAKE!

“I love your sushi roll, hotter then wasabi
I race for your love, Shake’n Bake, Ricky Bobby
I’m at the W, but I can meet you in the lobby
Girl, I gotta watch my back. ’cause I’m not just anybody”

(Time elapsed)

“We counting sushi roll type dough, hotter than wasabi
Mask and gloves, blaze the place, hitting Ricky, sticking Bobby
Respect the W, no doubt, fiends in the lobby
Watch your back for Primatine Mist, sniffing everybody”

And for the ultime test of Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator’s durability, try some Jay Electronica for the ULTIMATE challenge!

“They call me Jay Electronica, fuck that
Call me Jay ElecHannukah
Jay ElecYarmulke
Jay ElecRamadaan
Muhammad Asalaamica RasoulAllah
Supana Watallah through your monitor”

(Time elapsed)

“They call me Rae, the main moniker, fuck that
Call me Lex in Santa Monica
Chef rocking those Nautica’s
Bless y’all with consciousness
Shallah with slang marvelous
Godbody gangster promises, astonish modern pharmacists”

ADVANTAGE: CHEF!

Get your Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator today, kitko!

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9 thoughts on “Introducing Rae-Rhyme-A-Rator

  1. This ish is Ridiculoid!! Sun, I almost fell on my arm-length:life sized replica; Hawk Thor-bracelet, splashed on my Nallys, and strawberry kiwi-ed my whole Galaxy dundun! Whew…(winded)
    ~Castro

  2. This is like blueberry avian for the alikes getting that Gregory Hines money and tap-dancing like Savion, ducking Staten Island flatfoots rocking all Navy on.

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