Criminal Cloths: Nights & Weekeneds T-Shirts are Everywhere

 

Emcee Unless looking fresh

 

Dr. Quandary stylin' hard

 

Curly Castro clashing with titans

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My Chain Hang Low

Why there hasnt been a SNL skit on Nores chain escapes me

Why there hasn't been an SNL digital short based on Nore's chain escapes me

Between Gucci Mane’s Bart Simpson piece, Rick Ross’ Karnov-inspired self-portrait around his neck, and T-Pain’s meta-accessory that encapsulates hip hop’s love for “big ass chains” with the self-described “Big Ass Chain”, it’s beginning to get serious for rappers on the come up such as myself — what gaudy and outlandish item could I let droop from my neck that not only displays my incredible wealth (read: record company advance I will not have in 3 months) but truly defines me as a person

Some ideas for a Zilla Rocca chain (think of your own shit, haterz!):

1.  A packaged Netflix DVD: I think one of the reasons why Netflix has taken off, besides that fact that Blockbuster had a shit selection of movies not starring Nicholas Cage and not directed by Michael Bay, is that as an adult, it’s really exciting to see that red rectangle sitting in your pile of mail each week.  LOOKIT!  MY DVD IS HERE!  AND IT’S RED!  Really, once you hit 22, getting postal mail sucks.  I’m a certified Netflix junkie, and I’ve been campaigning hard for a sponsorship from the good folks since 2007.  It would be a great necklace to show my allegiance to the brand that is only matched by my desire to watch ’70s all-female gang movies that feature the Black Panthers (Switchblade Sisters, bitches!).  And it could double as an actual sleeve for the Netflix DVD sleeve much like Nore’s golden Newport box Newport box.  Heavy!

2.  8th Continet Soy Milk Carton:  I drink the hell outta these things.  It would be kinda weighty aroud my neck, but T-Pain’s Big Ass Chain is the same weight as HIS CHILD: 7.5LBS!  I would need to man up.  I’m sure there’s more lactose intolerant rappers out there; I would be carrying the proverbial “useless, heavy piece of blood diamond Soy Milk necklace” for all of them.  Andre 3000 would love it because it’s urban and hip and healthy.  Bizarre from D12 would not.

3.  Life sized Ironman helmet:  You would think Ghostface aka Tony Starks aka IRONMAN would’ve had this on lock since ’96.  Would you rather have a diamond encrusted medallion with your caricature on it like Rick Rawse, or carry around a bad ass red and gold helmet (that you could even wear) based on the most pimptastic, billionaire superhero of all time?  I already have a Ironman helmet-themed Slurpee cup and that’s killer for only being plastic and 5 inches tall.  A life sized golden Ironman helmet necklace would do for rap what Lawrence Maroney’s Kool Aid chain did for the NFL: it makes you say “OH YEAH!” 

 

What asinine gold necklaces would YOU make for yourself?

The Miami Ghost Regardless

In case you haven’t heard or checked the Rock Da Spot section to your right, The Rap Pack will be invading the MIA later this week for a gang of shows.

I haven’t been in Miami in 4 years, but a few things stick out in my mind when I think of Rick Ross’ fiefdom:

  1. The superhuman ability of old people to drive below the speed limit on major highways. 
  2. The obscene levels of  moisture in the air that hits your pores immmediately upon stepping one foot out the door of the airport.
  3. Reggaeton defeating my psyche after 48 hours.

Beyond that, I’m hella excited to get the hell outta dodge for 5 days.  Here’s my traveling list thus far.  If you’ve been to Miami, let me know what items I should add to the dock to ensure a wholesome trip!

  • SPF whateverthehellwillpreventmyinevitableskincancer
  • Flip flops (1 of 2 instances where it is OK for men to show foot in public)
  • Books for the beach/pool area: The People Look Like Flowers at Last by Charles Bukowski, What Nietzsche Really Said by Robert Solomon, The Complete Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks.
  • Sleeping music for plane ride home and/or sharing a room with a chronic snoorer: Boards of Canada, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind soundtrack, Sweetback, Edit, 14KT’s The Golden Hour, Koushik’s Out My Winow
  • Riding music: Rick Ross’ Deeper Than Rap, The Clipse’s Hell Hath No Fury, T.I.’s King, assorted Busta Rhymes, assorted Neptunes, assorted Outkast, assorted Trick Daddy
  • Studio equipment to capture the cool vibes via beats and rhymes
  • Ingredients for making mojitos every day
  • Jump rope, hand wraps, running shoes, and Everlast back and ab support pad.  Gotta stay training, even on vay cay.

What else do I need to bring?

The Garment Renaissance: Mad Men Edition

One of the reasons I love Mad Men, Boston Legal, the “Ocean’s Eleven” franchise and the old Rat Pack movies, is that they revolve around badass mofo’s dressed impeccably in cool suits.  There’s nothing I want more than to have a closet full of tailored suits.  Dress like Sinatra on Monday, George Clooney’s Danny Ocean on Tuesday, the above picutred Donald Draper on Wednesday, Dean Martin on Thursday, etc.  Man, wait till I get my blog money right–uh uh, you won’t tell me NOTHIN! 

Most men hate other men who wear slick suits–it makes them feel self concious or underdressed.  Hell, I was quietly hating on Nico last week at Ciz’s mixtape release party, with the ill tuxedo shirt, striped tie, and construction Tims on:

Photo by Randy Watson.  Small ass tie by Brooks Brothers.

With that in mind, I hit up SYMS on Route 70 in Jersey for the first time to mainly get my mom something for her birthday and stack up on some ZZ Top threads (sharp dressed man, indeed).  Sym’s at first glance is intimidating; it has HBO Autopsy halogen bulbs hanging from overhead backed by a black ceiling with pipes and what not hanging down.  There’s row and rows of clothes, the staff seems incredibly disinterested in helping you, and oh yeah–there’s racks of CHEAP SHIT! 

I ended up grabbing some things for mom and for work with Mad Men in mind.  The first tie I got for $12 was a sharp, subtely patterned blue tie in the vein of Jon Hamm, who plays Donald Draper the lead character who puts on a clinic for womanizing, drinking 5 glasses of whiskey a day, smoking 3 packs of cigarettes, and swooning clients for advertising money:

Here’s my come up:

Next, I wanted to start building up my gray and silver arsenal, colors I’ve been slacking on since I’ve been a working professional going back to 2005.  John Slattery, who plays the hilarious and Rat Pack-prototype Roger Sterling on Mad Men, usually sports one in every episode.  After digging through google for 10 minutes, I couldn’t find one damn picture of Slat in a gray tie, so I’m rolling with Donald Draper again (no homo of course), pictured in the middle with Roger Sterling in the back righthand corner:

Here’s what I did for $12:

Finally, I wanted to scoop a skinny black tie to complete the ’60s slickness movement.  Not many guys pull it off properly on Mad Men, so I’ll break you off with the architecht of the skinny black tie:

I normally don’t buy Ben Sherman clothes because while they’re stylish, they’re definitely overpriced by at least $50 in department stores.  At SYMS, $12 for a B-Sherm tie is correct-a-mundo:

I capped it all off with a mahogany belt for $15.  So for $50, I succesffuly fulfilled my Mad Men fetish and got a much needed contrasting belt for a silver suit I’m still saving up to buy (my man Dave showed me how mahogany and silver get down at a wedding we went to a few weeks back–wish I had pics.  My man looked sharper than a dude on prom night!  This is exciting because he’s a former US soldier who did 3 tours in Iraq and normally wears a black rhinestone trucker hat on the weekends. ..Yeah, you understand my excitement now.)

For everyone who wants to look fresh for cheap, check out SYMS online.  They’re having a big labor day sale.  SYMS, Clap Cowards salutes you!

Tonite’s Da Nite, and 2ew Gunn Ciz Ain’t Playin!!!

Get off dat Bronx smoov shit, man.  Kick dat ruff shit!

Tonight is the night for 2ew Gunn Ciz’s mixtape release party.  I posted the flyer with all the info on Monday, so if you’re in Philly/NJ/Delaware, there’s really NO excuse not to come out tonight.  There will be a red carpet, press, and Big O–can’t go wrong on a Thursday night with that lineup.

One of the stipulations to come out is to “dress to impress.”  Yesterday, I spent a good 2 hours digging through my vast assortment of apparrel only to find that somehow, my monocle and ascott were nowhere to be found!  Oh heavens! 

My back-up plan had me hitting up Lids at the Cherry Hill Mall last night and scooping the World Baseball Classic fitted for my homeland, the Dominican Republic.

The second half of my plan is to hit up Foot Locker on City Line Ave (an untapped resource for ill kicks under $100 in Philly) and possibly scoop some new joints today to engage in holy matrimony with the DR fitted and the Sixers track jacket I grabbed in June when adidas was having their big sale:

 

So if my wardrobe choices weren’t enough to persuade you (hell, I’m not Dallas Penn by any means), maybe a FREE downloadable copy of Ciz’s Tailgating: The 3 Second Rule could entice you…

Here’s the link to download the mixtape

See you tonight!

Leave the Tank on Empty and Buy Some Adidas

The Adidas online store is having 50% off sale!!!!  If you know me, you know I spend an obscene amount of money on Adidas track jackets and kicks.  Once I received the email today about the sale, my body began convulsing violently for 13 minutes straight. 

After calming down via a glass of warm orange juice and a chilled glazed doughnut from Starbucks, I went to the Adidas store and copped this crispy 76ers championship track jacket for $77 (originally $110).  That’s what I call a COME UP:

See when you have blog money, it ain’t nothing to drop some coin on a Thursday morning.  Seeing that red and blue gives me flashbacks to Mike Gmiski and Jeff Ruland, but since the Sixers are the only Philly team I invested in fully, I had to give it up!

Check out the sale here 

*Goes back to listening to “Wu Wear: The Garment Renaissance”