I Got Five On It: Trey Kerby

Originally titled "Half Baked 2: Shelved Because of Todd Bridges"

After the worldwide acclaim on guys named Guy (or “gees” named “Gee” for our Canadian friends) via the massiva NHL Sega Genesis opus spawned by Doc Zeus and I a few months ago, I wanted to work with more of the best writers on the internet today in a way that was loose and fun like an’ old jamband getting busy in the garage on a Sunday afternoon or like Superhead after a wine cooler.

Today I’m joined by Trey Kerby, professional Brad Miller impersonator (booking graduation parties now!), lively Chicagoan, and editor of Yahoo! Sports’ Ball Don’t Lie, an exceptional read for any NBA diehard.

Today’s kickoff is who should the Bulls/Knicks/Clippers/Heat/Nets/Knicks persue alongside LeBron James if they are serious about winning a championship?

1. Dirk Nowitzki

He has an opt-out clause and hasn’t made up his mind on returning to Dallas. He’s the perfect #2 guy — over 30 years old, made a douzedorf full of cash, hasn’t won it all yet. I don’t think Bosh wants to play Robin just yet–he wants to maximize his exposure and get paid first. Boozer has already proven to be a dick and just want that cream. And I don’t know how well Amare would do realistically without Nash (see Marion, Shawn). Dirk needs a title to cement his legacy. He ain’t going out like this.

Trey Kerby:

I wish Dirk would be a Bull, but there’s no way he leaves Dallas. Cuban’s like his best friend. I’d love it, but no way. Amar’e Stoudemire played without Nash his first two years and went 20 and 10. With Stephon Marbury as his point guard, and that’s before he had a jump shot. Get this man a Bulls jersey ASAP.

2. Ray Allen

It would behoove Boston to re-sign him, but he really could be Reggie Miller 2.0 and play at a decent rate until he’s 38 years old. He’s one of the few guys who every time he lets the ball go, I believe with full certainty that it will hit the bottom of the net. Plus his defense has been upgraded. Even on the Bucks and Sonics, he never quit or backed down in the moment like Joe Johnson did this postseason, someone who is going to be handsomely paid for being a shook one in the playoffs but d-boy in the regular season.

Trey Kerby:

Another guy I’d love that I don’t see leaving. Ray is a better version of Dell Curry. He’ll play forever. Howevs, if you can’t get Ray, get JJ Redick. He’s a player now, and a free agent. I don’t see the Magic staying over the tax for him unless they win the title.

3. Udonis Haslem

I think he’s the most underrated big man in the game. Miami under utilizes him and become successful somehow. Horace Grant without the busted peepers.

Trey Kerby:

Agree whole-heartedly. Love Haslem.  Miami would be stupid to not re-sign him.

4. Rasual Butler

‘Sul Went to my high school and I always got a kick out of my senior year english teach who always called his “Ras-you-al” like “casual”.  Outstanding outside shooter who has playoff experiencein Miami and New Orleans.  Will cost kibbles.

Trey Kerby:

Great bench piece, even if he does wear a shooting sleeve on both arms for some reason.

5. Larry Hughes

The good thing about Larry is that he’s played in almost every single city that is courting LeBron.  He’s the best tourguide in the NBA since Jim Jackson.  Plus you and I can Tweet jokes about him during all the national games when he’s shooting 2-14 but has great “athleticism” and “length” for a 6’6” back-up combo guard who has already made $84mill (!!!) playing professional basketball .

Trey Kerby:

Can’t see New York or Chicago re-acquiring him after having to suffer through him once before.  Kill me now.